the closer i get to me... the more my ego puts up a fight...

so - this year has been largely comprised of really digging in to connecting with who i am - not what i have, what i do - who i know... i definitely consider it a spiritual journey - consuming the words of Wayne Dyer, Jerry & Ester Hicks, Louise Hay, Laura Day, Cheryl Richardson, Buddhist texts (too many different authors to mention), Eckhart Tolle, the list goes on and on... not to mention the podcasts, the dvd's, the audio books... all sending me on a more peaceful and happy journey - i am curious though - is it just me - or every time you get a little bit closer to your source, opting to disregard the ego - your ego takes a hold in a most vicious manner - shaking you into anger, anxiety, suspicion, jealousy, sadness... i have definitely noticed a pattern... that ego is a nasty little bugger - who won't go down without a fight... BUT - I do notice a significant difference for the most part - of being happy with who I am, here and now, and eager to continue on the journey... i believe the contrast is important, so i can realize when i've got it right, and when i'm heading further away from who i am...

i woke up this morning to a news report of an accident on a freeway exit - because of an early morning snowfall... i had no clue it had snowed - since lately i've opted to limiting my viewing of news since 90% of it is negative - the snowfall was a surprise... i peeked out my bedroom window - sure enough, there was snow on the ground, and instead of my usual fretting about how i was going to get to work safely, i calmly layed back down and relaxed - later looking back out the window, noticing how amazingly beautiful the snow looked on the trees.

yes, virginia, there has been a shift in aimer's life... and even with the contrast - the angst, the nervous thoughts - i wouldn't trade it for the apathy that surrounded my heart for far too long... even if i've always been a "cup half full" person... i was simply going thru the motions - and stopping that process can be jarring to an ego that has gotten quite used to it's place in my life... after all, it has had far too many years practicing it's art...

just a few random thoughts on a monday night... my cup of tea awaits - namaste!